What circumstances and who influenced you to be a facilitator and/or mediator?
I grew up in a family with lots of tensions and latent conflicts. To understand conflicts is to understand myself. Conflicts are not necessarily a terrible thing, but as a force to drive life events. When there is no conflict, there is no story. What people do about conflicts is a choice. Their choices give rise to different meanings. Some people may think conflict resolution is idealistic. It is a practical thing to learn about as we face conflicts every day. The work of conflict resolution just ties it all altogether.
What impact does a mediator have on resolving disputes?
The mediator’s impact can be very transformative. When parents remark they couldn’t believe there is such a day they could be at a table together, agreeing on anything at all regarding their parenting arrangement, then you know you did something to transform the parties’ relationship. A mediator can help parties to focus on what they want (versus positions) and listen to the parties so that they can move on to options after being heard and validated. These steps set the path for the future. Deep listening is a skill that looks passive but is very impactful. I always ask myself to listen to what’s not said. When parties feel you get them, you’re more likely to build rapport with them and to be able to lead them through the process more smoothly.
How wide-spread is mediation practiced in the Asian American Pacific islander communities?
Mediation in the Asian American & Pacific Islander communities is not as widespread here in Northern Virginia. I’ve done a few restorative justice facilitations with NVMS that involved Asian American juveniles and their families, but I don’t get the impression that mediation is that common among the Asian Pacific Islander communities here. The legal system is both unfamiliar and complex for many. When your native language is not English, with limited resources to tap into, it’s a maze. So, you stay quiet about the conflict to start with, and refrain from trying something unknown like mediation.
I grew up in Hong Kong where I formally took courses on mediation to start. There, mediation had become mainstream. There was even a TV drama last year on mediators (imagine a mediator’s version of “Ally McBeal”). And my alma mater Carter School for Peace and Conflict Resolution has established sizable programs in South Korea in recent years. So, it’s not like there is something culturally prohibiting AAPIs to try mediation. More likely, barriers are related to language barriers and lack of knowledge about the legal systems. I know that in Los Angeles, there are organizations that promote the understanding and use of ADR and mediation among the communities while also providing other sorts of help, including English language workshops and community support.
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